


before i go

by teokkityun



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF CURSE WORDS, M/M, Spy/Agent AU, everything is in lower case, sunghoon pov, yes i am jayhoonist yes i go back to my one and only unit sunghoon every day yes i dont care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teokkityun/pseuds/teokkityun
Summary: "my one and only unit, sunghoon-ahi didn't say this enough, but i really like you.i hope the whole world acknowledges your efforts.i know you'll make it."- park jongseongin which jay gives sunghoon a this-might-be-goodbye confession, under very different circumstances.
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay & Park Sunghoon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 14
Kudos: 75





	before i go

**_BANG!_ **

sunghoon's blood runs cold.

it's like the flow of time has slowed to barely a drip, drip, drip of milliseconds, and park sunghoon watches, frozen and more helpless than he's ever felt in all his years on the job, as his partner collapses onto the ground with a low groan. 

_ jay. _

he doesn't hesitate. pulls his gun out, loads it, takes aim and fires in a split second, hitting the guy who  _ should have been fucking dead already _ right in the chest. the man's gun falls to the floor with a clatter.

then sunghoon runs. covers the distance - three, four, five steps. jay had only been five steps behind him. five steps between walking away unscathed and leaving the building with a bullet lodged halfway into his back. why did sunghoon walk ahead? why hadn't he been more careful? why hadn't he thought? stupid, stupid, stupid, fuck,  _ fuck _ . 

"JAY!" he turns him onto his back, props him up on his lap, finds the wound, presses one of his gloves against it. blood, fuck, so much blood. but jay groans, and sunghoon feels a surge of desperation race through him. he's still alive. 

"sunoo. SUNOO! can you hear me?"

the earpiece in his left ear crackles to life. "sunghoon hyu-?" 

he cuts the younger man off before he can finish. "jay. bullet wound. losing blood, fast. reinforcements NOW."

sunoo doesn't waste a second, though the fear in his voice is clear as day. "heeseung hyung, jungwonie-" is all sunghoon hears clearly, followed by muffled speech and sounds of shouting, and the sound of running footsteps moving away. then sunoo's voice comes back clearly, slightly shaky, "four minutes. four minutes and they'll be there. keep him alive, hyung." the connection drops. 

"jay. jay!" sunghoon tries, shaking him slightly. he can't shake too hard, or he might hurt him, but god fucking dammit, jay's eyes are shut and he needs to do something. "jay! JAY!!" sunghoon grits his teeth together.

"PARK JONGSEONG!"

"sung..hoon... you don't have.. to yell... i can hear you."

it's like he can use his lungs again, all of a sudden. 

"JAY!" sunghoon gasps out, and cold air floods his lungs. jay's hand is on his cheek all of a sudden, and it frightens him to his core, the way it lacks its usual warmth. "sunghoon.. you.. are you okay..?" jay asks, and sunghoon thinks he could cry. because of course,  _ of course _ , this goddamn idiot just got shot in the fucking back, doesn't even have the strength to stand on his own, and somehow,  _ still _ , his first concern is whether or not sunghoon is okay. 

"fuck..." is the only shaky thought he manages to get past his lips, and jay somehow finds the strength in him to laugh breathlessly. he winces right after, and sunghoon, against his better judgement, punches him in the shoulder. he doesn't put any actual force into it, though. it's more like a halfhearted bop than a punch, and jay just looks at him funny.

"why... are you crying..?"

"i'm not crying." a droplet of water falls onto jay's chest, and they both see it. sunghoon sniffles. "i'm not crying because- because you're okay. you're gonna be okay, jay, heeseung hyung and jungwon are on the way right now, they're gonna save you jay, you're gonna- we're gonna make it back to the base. together. both of us. i promise. because we're-" sunghoon's voice cracks, but jay doesn't say anything, just watches quietly as the tears roll down sunghoon's cheeks and fall onto his chest. "because we're a unit," he manages to finish.

jay doesn't say anything for a few seconds. his hand starts to slip down sunghoon's cheek, and sunghoon's own hand flies up to catch it. he holds it firm in place, refuses to let go. he won't let go. he can't. jay wipes a single tear off his cheek.

"park sunghoon..." he says then, slowly, "my one and only.. unit. there's.. never been anyone else i met like you.. you know?" sunghoon shakes his head. he doesn't like what this sounds like. he doesn't like it at all. "stop talking, jay. save your energy," he whispers, almost pleading. but of course, jay ignores him. 

"i never.. told you.. clearly enough. but," jay mumbles, and his voice is getting softer with each word, and sunghoon wants him to stop, stop, please  _ stop _ , don't say it,  _ i know what you're going to say, but i don't want to hear it right now, i want to hear it when we're both alive and healthy and well, jongseong, please.  _

"i love you." and sunghoon stops trying to pretend he isn't crying. "shut up," he sobs, bending over forward until his forehead touches jay's. "shut up, shut up, stop talking like you're gonna die," he pleads. 

jay huffs out another laugh and sunghoon feels him brush his thumb across his cheek again. "if... i live," jay mumbles (and sunghoon cries, "not if. not  _ if. when _ ."), "you get.. to make... fun of me. for this.. but. i didn't.. want to..... die.. if i didnt.. tell you.. first."

sunghoon can't even think to answer. he's only listening, harder than he ever has in his life, catching every last word from his mouth, clinging onto every shallow breath jay takes. "stay with me," he hisses out, "you have to stay with me." jay whispers, "you're.. amazing, sunghoon... you'll be.. fine.... without me." sunghoon shakes his head. no he won't.

"sunghoon..ah," jay says, his words barely more than breaths now, and sunghoon wishes he would stop talking, save his breaths for himself, not waste them on him. but he knows jay better than he knows himself. stubborn, relentless, strong, confident, gentle, caring, breathtaking jay. too fucking selfless for his own good. and nothing sunghoon says now will stop jay from doing what he's set his heart on doing.

sunghoon nods, his forehead still pressed against jay's, because he can't speak. everything, everything is caught in his throat. their hair is wet from his tears, but jay doesn't seem to mind, and sunghoon can't find it in him to care.  _ i'm listening _ , he says without any words,  _ i'm listening, jongseong.  _

"please..." jay whispers, and seeing that small lopsided smile of his has never shattered sunghoon like this before. he feels like a sheet of glass; fragile, see-through, breaking. breaking, but he holds himself together for the man lying on his lap. the man lying in a pool of his own blood. jay tugs just barely on sunghoon's hand, and he lets him draw it away from his cheek and towards jay's own. 

sunghoon can't help the sob that escapes him when jay kisses his knuckles. 

he can barely feel air moving in or out of jay's mouth and nose anymore. his lips and fingers feel like ice. his eyelids are closing, slowly, slowly, and sunghoon has never experienced more excruciating pain than watching the life bleed out of someone who'd always been so full of life that his very existence seemed larger than life itself. 

"live.. for me...." jay breathes out, his eyes still locked on sunghoon, even as he loses the last of his strength to keep them open, "for.... both.... of us."

sunghoon can't breathe.

jay smiles.

and then he's gone.

sunghoon feels his entire world fall apart. 

he hears someone screaming, screaming jay's name.  _"NO!" he hears, "NO, NO, NO!!! COME BACK!!_ _JONGSEONG_ _!! JAY!"_ it's only when his throat starts to sting that he realises he's the one screaming. there's a hand on his shoulder suddenly, and through all the muck and grime that's clogging his mind, sunghoon can vaguely hear heeseung hyung yelling his name. he stops screaming. his forehead is still pressed against jongseong's cold one, but out of the corners of his vision, sunghoon sees movement. jungwon. jungwon is on the other side of jay's body. he's calling his name over and over again, checking for any form of pulse, any sign that he might still be alive, and sunghoon has never, never in his life seen the other man's face so pale before. so full of fear. so devoid of hope. 

it is so wrong. jungwon and hopelessness are two things that should never have been put together. and yet here they are.

sunghoon feels a tug on his shoulder, then again, harder. heeseung hyung is trying to pull him off jay, he realises. sunghoon inhales shakily, and his lungs hurt. 

"jay," he whispers, and his throat is raw, his voice cracking, but he needs to say it. he needs to let jay know, even if the other man can no longer hear anything. 

will never be able to hear anything again. 

sunghoon takes jay's hand, his shaky fingers wrapping around lifeless ones, and presses his partner's knuckles to his lips. 

sunghoon smiles. or at least, he tries to. for him. everything is for him. always has been.

"you're the only person i have ever loved like this in my lifetime," sunghoon whispers against jay's cold knuckles, "and the only person i will ever love like this in my lifetime." heeseung hyung is pulling, shaking, calling his name, almost shouting, but sunghoon isn't finished yet. "i'll live, for you. for both of us. i love you, park jongseong. with everything that i am."

heeseung hyung is desperate now, begging him to let go. jungwon is on the verge of breaking down. sunghoon understands.

"until we meet again," sunghoon promises. he doesn’t know if he’s promising jay or if he’s promising himself. he kisses jay's knuckles once more.

  
  


and then he lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually the first time i've written a sad ending or mcd in any fic so !!! i hope u enjoyed it ♡♡ comments or kudos are always appreciated and i will !! publish a happy ending version soon (i hope)


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